I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
