toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
