Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
