As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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