Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
