I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's never too late to be topless.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
