Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
COCAINE IS GR8
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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