I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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