Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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