My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
