I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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