the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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