I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
