Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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