my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
