Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
