I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I want to be your penis for a week.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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