I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
