I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
