Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
