there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
