So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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