your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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