I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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