I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
