anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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