let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
