I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
