You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
