I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
