do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
