Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
