no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
