I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
