I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
