Will you blow on my dice?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
