You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
