she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
