I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
