i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
