Little spoons don't ask big questions
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
