I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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