i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
