i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
soo... how was my night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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