I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
