You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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