Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
