its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
