The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
