I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
