She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
