And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
