Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
my poor anus
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
