I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
