Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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