Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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