I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
