if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
