Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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