either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
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HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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