I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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