he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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