Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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