Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
