k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves