R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.