it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt