i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"