no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.