apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize