He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
