So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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