But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
